Knees Bent

The last few weeks of our lives have seemed like a whirlwind.

Many of you I'm sure were aware of our hopeful "baby girl" to be.

We had a interview in Seattle with a BM (birth mother) and BF (birth father). We all seemed to connect very well, talking about our similarities, what we would name the baby, and what our openness plan would look like. In our conversations BM shared with us that she had a 1-1/2 daughter from a previous partner and that raising another baby seemed out of reach at this stage in her life. BF didn't feel ready to parent both financially and emotionally. Both parents thought that it would be the best decision to put baby up for adoption to place the baby in a household where the parents were married as well as financially stable to provide for a child.

BM was having a very healthy pregnancy, all was moving along well and she was due in 2 weeks. We left the time feeling confident, in fact BM gave me her phone number on the spot (crazy?!). Driving home our case worker called us asking how we felt, so on and so forth, she then surprised us with the comment "BM would like you to call her". Excited, anxious and nervous we called.  BM answered and we had a little small talk and then she said that they wanted us to adopt their baby girl! WOOHOO! We couldn't believe it! We joyfully accepted, calling family and informing our friends, we were soon to be parents, a baby girl is on the way!

We then realized we had much to be done! We were a little prepared, but far from feeling we had some of the things that would be helpful. Blessed by the support of our family and friends in 2 weeks timing, we were "ready"....as "ready" as one could be.

The BP (birth parents) wanted to spend more time with us two on two (our case worker told us this was a good sign)  so we made a date, and 10 days later we were back in Seattle, hanging out with the BP. We had a wonderful time, spent over 3 hours together, walking around Pikes Place, and enjoying a long sit down lunch. By the end of the time we still felt confident that they would place their baby girl with us, even though some red flags came up.

We got the call that BM was in labor on Wednesday evening, the original plan was that we would come up right away but after receiving the official "hospital plan" it seemed best to leave the next morning. Thursday at 5:45 am BM called to inform me she delivered a chunky quarter Korean 8 lb 15.6 oz baby girl at 1:30 am.

This whole process you want to be very respectful of BM and the decisions she is choosing to make. It's hard you feel like your walking on egg shells, and doing what you can to hold back you emotions. We got up there and waited at the hospital for their (hospitals) social worker to talk with us. Our organizations birth counselor wasn't there due to the fact BM hadn't called her (red flag).

I was on edge, nervous as all get out, knowing that this baby may or not be the baby for us. I continually had to remind myself that the Lord is with us through it all, and that He knows what's best for our lives.

The hospitals social worker came to talk with us prior to taking us back, reminding us to be very focused on BM, giving her the attention, not just going directly to baby allowing BM to allow us to hold baby. As we stood up to embark the long hospital hallway, my eyes filled with tears of joy and fear knowing that nothing was official.

As soon as we entered the room it was just BM and baby.  Right away BM wanted us to hold baby. Matt and I were both blessed to hold her (2 times each). When I first saw her, those chunky cheeks, beautiful skin, almond shaped eyes, and a head full of dark hair, my heart was so full. She smelled of fresh baby skin, and was a content as could be. We spent around 4 hours in the hospital room and had wonderful conversation.  Multiple times we attempted to leave to allow BM to get rest (she only had 3 hrs sleep in the last 40 hrs) she encouraged us to stay. When we did finally leave the hospital, we had the conversation that BM was being swayed by a family member to keep the baby, and try it out. After that we said our goodbyes, she gave us hugs, and said "see you guys tomorrow." We left with a positive feeling. Shortly after we called our case worker to give her an update. She told us to go back to the place we were staying and wait until we get a call from BM or Bethany to come back to the hospital.

Friday was a day like no other, you know that feeling that Santa is coming! .....well it all started that way, the anticipation & excitement, the day we had hoped to bring our baby girl home once BM was discharged from the hospital. The clock kept ticking, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00 (text messages stared coming in from eager family & friends) "nope, no word yet"..... 10:30, 11:00. Now our excitement turned to nervous. I called our case worker to see if the birthing counselor had heard from the BM, "nothing yet, you will hear from us right away". Again the time, ticking away, how many walks can we go on in a day? 11:30, 12:00, 12:30......I again talked with our case worker, the same response as before. She did say that no matter how well you feel about a placement happening, the hospital stay is the hardest part of the process. BM hormones are kicking in, emotions and such, the fact she is making a decision that is far beyond her years. That there are many unknowns and patience is key, BM can want one thing in the beginning and many changes happen throughout the stay at the hospital.We kept waiting, waiting, praying, walking, trying to not cry, tick, tick tick. Around 3:45 we received the call from our case worker, BM was "torn"- she said she knows what's best for baby. The BF really had his world rocked once baby girl was born, realizing that once she is placed with us, he would go home without the support of family and friends, for they had not a clue he had a baby on the way. This made the BM even more unsure, and had chosen to be discharged with the baby. The plan was to take baby home for the weekend, and tell the BF family, see the reaction and make the decision Monday. Our hearts were crushed, hurt in a way I don't know how to explain. We were overwhelmed with emotions, the sadness and anger we tried to control. We had our time together, stayed at the home we were at to calm down, and let our emotions flow. Our case worker said that our adoption organization advised us to go home, to wait until the news on Monday. That made my heart sink even more, giving me more doubt that we even had a chance.  Contacting family and friends was the last thing I wanted to do, but we did it, knowing we needed the prayer and allow everyone to be aware of what had taken place.

I came to a place and realization during our drive home that I needed to remember the Lord has already chosen the right baby for us and we will get placed in His perfect timing and that this baby may or may not be the one. When we had our adoption training back in the fall in Seattle, the attorney gave us some of the best advice, "knees bent." That throughout the adoption process you can quickly move forward, but be ever so ready to jump back. It was such a gift for us to come home that evening well after midnight to a home that had been cleaned, filled with groceries, bouquets of flowers, cards and better yet verses from the bible that had been placed throughout. Thank you so much Dad, Patti, Laura and Jillian for your act of service and hospitality to us, you have no idea the blessing that was. After a long weekend at home, praying, analyzing and much anxiousness Monday came around. We didn't know when we would get the news, we had to wait for the BM to contact her birthing counselor. Let me tell you, you learn to do a lot of waiting throughout the adoption process, a lot.

Our case worker called us early Monday afternoon saying that the BM is still torn, and that she would be meeting with her birth counselor on Tuesday morning. I laughed when I heard the news....really God, one more day? Our God is one of humor that enjoys teaching us to become more like him, while relying on him throughout it all. Yet again you find us, waiting!

Tuesday afternoon our case worker called, I was just flat out nervous, hoping it would be the day we would have resolution. Bottom line is the BM is still torn, her family wants her to "try" to parent, and the BF family in itself has created its own story. To sum it up, she isn't 100% either way, still stating she knows she doesn't believe she can provide what's best for baby. In the end its as though she wants the BF to make up her mind, which never occurred. BM is choosing the parent the baby as of right now. In closing the conversation with our case worker she asked permission to have our books be viewed again, if we were ready, because there are BP in the system looking to place their baby. Of course we replied.

Matthew and I are going through a time of loss, but are encouraged by the family, friends and community that surrounds us. We want to thank you all for continuing the journey of bringing home baby Imlach! Please continue to pray, as we all wait together for the gift God has in the making for us!

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and consistent in prayer." Romans 12:12 This is the verse that remains on the babies room door, a reminder to us that God works all things according to his will.

An evening walk in Seattle Thursday night. The one photo from our time. 

Spring Cleaning

I have been missing from the blog world for a bit, my apology. I've been busy with projects, spring cleaning and assisting Matt where I can be of help as he does the "man" side of projects.

We have a lovely size of a home, but no garage. That makes space and organizing doable with the two of us, but now that we're planning on adding to our family, we have to get creative. Thank The Lord we have an attic! .....and amazing parents who are storing large items for us.
It's been a fun nesting phase for me, slowly but surely turning what was the guest room into our future baby's room. We are blessed that my parents saved so many things from my childhood upbringing. Some say hoarding, I think wise. I have a talented husband who's been able to use his skills to make the crib, high chair and such be brought up to date.... Or legal.

I also had a great time registering for our baby! My good friend Kayla took the time to go with me. She came equipped with a list and all! I was so thankful she was there, guiding me in the "things" we will need when baby comes. It seems odd in some ways to register... They say to not have a shower until baby comes and is legally yours. (Understandable) But that it's wise to register during the waiting duration if baby is placed quickly, and all depending on the situation. But we did it, and oh how fun it was!

I love that we're able to use this beautiful furniture, it's as though my mom was able to have some say in the baby room.
Clearly we haven't been placed yet, but we've had a few "situations" come up.

The first email we received I was overjoyed just to have heard something. I'm unable to go into detail, likely that baby has been placed elsewhere. The other situation that was placed upon us we denied, which sounds awful, but we knew it wasn't right for our family. We prayed about it and were encouraged through our training (from Seattle) that you shouldn't feel you have to take the first baby that comes your way. You should step back, pray about it and seek The Lord that it's right for your family.

We currently are waiting to be placed with a birth family, this period can be daunting I'm sure depending on how lone we are waiting for ....but we're grateful to see the process is rolling forward. Who knows our "pregnancy" could be one of a mouse, or one of an elephant. Gods timing is perfect, that is what I keep reminding myself as I pray.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support. Please keep praying for us, and the timing of it all. I'm excited to one day look back on this time in our lives.
Blessings,
Emily

Out in the States!

We're excited to share we've made it to the next step. Profile books: check, letters to potential birth parents: check, made a $10,000 payment: check!
We've made it to the point in our adoption journey where our profile books are going to be sent out! Yippee! The relief we feel to be at this place.
Our case worker will send out our books to some of the other Bethany Christian services offices to be viewed by potential birth mothers and birth fathers. Our case worker has gotten to know us deeply, which will help guide her in who our books are given to.
We have no idea as to the timeline, but were thankful The Lord has his perfect timing. We trust that under his perfect plans for our lives that it will happen. It could be a month, 6 months or 16. We know that our family and friends will be right alongside us as we enter this phase. Please continue to be praying for us, this time can be long, as well as mentally and emotionally draining. We want to thank you however for all the support and love we've felt thus far. It's amazing how this process has brought our family and community so close around us. Thank you.
Here we go, jumping in to whatever God has planned!

Blessings,
Emily

Give thanks to The Lord for he is good, his love endures forever.
Psalm 118


A photo of our profile book, sorry for the poor quality, it's a photo taken off the computer screen.

Profile Book ....

I have to confess the profile book out of this entire process has been the hardest thing for me. I don't really know if I can really put it into words, but its been this weight on my shoulders, continually on the back of my mind. Mentally exhausting right? ....Well I did it to myself. The thought of your protraying yourselves to an unknown audience, a birth mother and father who are choosing us to parent their child. We want to be honest in our profile book, sharing who we are, what we are about, hoping that through the book they will connect with us, Matt & Emily Imlach, hopeful parents. There is a lot of pressure on that book, and I pray that they feel the love that we will give that child, that they will be able to trust us. What a gift, what a selfless hero they are.

 My goal was to have the book finished by Thanksgiving, the reality of that was well, not a reality.
I talked with Matt and we came to the agreement that I would collect the photos, make the list of the themed pages and do some research on what company we would go with. From there, Matt would work on putting the book together, he is a perfectionist (not in a bad way) and I would rather him put his personal touch on it. While Matt was working on the book in his spare time, I would also be working on the paperwork for the loan were planning to apply for.  My wonderful mother in law stepped in to assist Matt in accomplishing the book, she too is very thorough which blessed us greatly in the book getting finished.

We have now ordered 1 profile book, to confirm that when we get it that there are no spelling errors making sure we like the way it looks when we are holding it in our hands. Things are so different from screen to paper. Once we get it (this week!) then we will order 8 more! Whoa! It would be a bummer to order all the books and have a mistake. Thankfully the Lord gave me a wise husband who decided we would just order 1 first.

But through it all, I think its caused me much unnecessary stress, anxiety and disagreements to say the least. The Lord continued to remind me that its all in his timing, and I have to trust in that.

Here are the different themed pages that are going into our profile book:
-Introduction: Matt introducing me and myself introducing Matt.
-Our wedding
-Future Grandparents: There is a special page devoted to my mother.
-Future Aunts & Uncles
-Us at work
-Our home
-Vacations
-Outdoor hiking adventures/trips
-Our interests: Matt: softball, biking, hiking, building/creating projects, gardening.
                       Emily: Running,swimming,hiking,cooking,crafts, gardening,coffee dates,walking pup.
-Fisher
-Friends
-Church
-Shanan

Then there is a closing page with a photo of us and we each have to write letters to the birth father and mother....that was a hard letter to write as well.

Keep on praying, our book will be out there in the world soon being viewed!

Blessings,
Emily

His way

This has been a year of change, growth and peace from The Lord. The end of January 2012 we had felt it on our hearts we were to start pursuing adoption. When we knew this was our calling, in a way it was a relief for me, my body, emotions, and my entire "being" could start on the path of much needed healing.

A verse that give me encouragement is: Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

 I was scared-what is this going to look like? Can we do this, adopt? What will everyone think? But when we felt the confirmation from the Lord to pursue adoption, peace & joy took over me.

My dear friend Emily Baynes came over last week for coffee and she spoke such truth into my life. Her words were very gentle, kind and true, saying she knew this isn't the path that "I" would have planned for my life.... that yes I had always had the desire to adopt, but that "my" plan would have gone a little differently. I was so encouraged after having her over, it brought me joy to hear what she had to say.
In the big picture God is using this in our lives to bring us closer to him, glorify him, and that this journey in our life will bring others to find Jesus as their savior. Its not about me, or us, but its about Jesus.

Just as Jesus led the Israelites through the wilderness for forty years, he chose to not take Matt and I straight on the road of parenthood....as we would have wanted. Jesus took us on a different route, not a quicker, easier, cheaper, instant gratification kind of a route. But he took us on a route that has changed us in some incredible ways, weeding out more of the sinful flesh that we have, confirming our identity in Christ and changing us to become more like him. My heart throughout these years has softened, I have become more aware of those around me, and the desire to learn to love others as Jesus does. This really is the life he has chosen for us, this is the big picture.

Paper Pregnant!

It's been a whirlwind of the last few weeks, we've personally been busy but on the adoption end it seemed like we were in our first phase of waiting. We were in the limbo of waiting for our Home study to be approved..... It took longer then I expected, many home studies were turned in trying to be approved before the new year! We finally received the news on December 19th that our home study had been approved and we were officially paper pregnant! It was such an amazing feeling, tears of joy ran down my face. This has been an amazing experience so far, this was the best Christmas gift for us indeed.
Now what do we do you ask? ---> Since we have been approved to basically be parents to a newborn, Matt and I now have the opportunity to apply for grants, praying we maybe get a little help. The. We can pay our next due amount and our profile books will be sent out for birth mothers to see. From there it's all the lords timing (which we know is perfect) for when we get placed.

I will continue to keep you updated as our journey develops! Thank you again for all your love and support! Your prayers mean so much!

Blessings, Emily

Bringing Home Baby Imlach Fundraiser!

We're so blessed from the turn out Thursday night---I honestly didn't know what to expect, we were blown away by the turn out!
Thank you all who came and supported us, we had such a fun night!

For those of you who missed it, I will share a few photos from the evening. For starters my sister Laura made a beautiful Time Line of the Adoption process and many of the things we are to do. This was important to us to share, many people are unaware of what it takes to Adopt. When Laura showed me the Time Line for the first time Thursday night, my eyes welled up with tears. It was beautiful, I couldn't have asked her to do a better job!

She shared photos that I had taken, and explained the cost of the Adoption. 

$550.00 Formal Application Fee(Due with Application) 

This fee covers the creation of your online account, the case file, the collection of references, background clearances, orientation, and the first meeting with Bethany Christian Services Staff. 

$200.00 Training/Education Fee 

$2,000.00 Home Study Fee (Due prior to Home Visits) 

This fee covers the home study that is required for adoption including the creation of required documents, interviews, home visits (4), and gathering/assessing collateral information, service planning. 

$10,000.00 Pre-Placement Services Fee(Due at Approval) 

This fee covers work done on your behalf to have your profile seen by expectant parents and includes your web profile, outreach activities, and various support services during the waiting period. 

This fee also covers the pregnancy counseling provided to the expectant parents and includes work locating, engaging and involving the expectant father  in the process, history compilation, meetings with you, hospital planning, negotiating adoption plans and agreements, counseling at the hospital, and grief counseling. 

$12,900.00 Placement Fee(Due at legal Placement) 

This fee covers petitioning for adoption and other required documentation, placement of the child, grief counseling post placement, file maintenance. 

$2,000.00 Finalization Cost

Meeting with Lawyers and making Adoption Legal in the Courts. 

 $30,000.00 in total 

My reminder to myself daily is that the Lord will provide! 

Didn't matt do a great job on the Map! 

Some of the cards for the Quilt, people wrote a note to the future little Imlach to be! 

Thank you again everyone for coming to our fundraiser and making it a night to remember forever! 

Blessings to you! 

Emily